The Downward Spiral

Monday, November 28, 2005

bleeding me

Tossing and turning in my bed for the whole night before I finally decided that I should put this down in words:

Call it an irrational spurt of anger. I simply over-reacted. How funny it is when a lethal concoction of alcohol could have turned me into such a jerk cum loser. Guess it's really true that nothing but crap comes out of your mouth when you are drunk. Emotional turmoil does get you into a state of highness easily.
Why did I do that? I don't know. Maybe it's really true about the one thing you said about me: I'm an idiot.
I'm probably scared about losing. About losing it all. Cuz' afterall I've already sink so deep inside. If I were to fail now, I would have probably suffer from a mental break down. There's just isn't one second that my neurons never failed to form a picture of you in my head.
Plus the recent events that happened around me added up to the emotions I displayed. It was on impulse. It really was.
When I see things from your perspective I do understand how you feel. Afterall, you are in a truely difficult situation now. And I can't possibly force you into doing things you do not want. We will both end up getting hurt later in time. I'm at a loss of what do to now too. I'm really afraid. Really afraid of what will happen if I lose. I really cannot imagine that.
If there is an anger management course, I'll be the first on the list to sign up. I could never make you angry and sad, but I did. That's the first promise I made to you sometime back and I broke it. I can understand if you can't forgive me.
I know it's an uphill battle for me. One that I can't really win I think. That was why I said those hurtful things that night. I hereby take them all back.
I apologise.

p.s. pai seh andrew, last nite put u aeroplane. i just wanted some time alone in my room.
I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!!

by p0rn5tar
11/28/2005 09:03:00 AM
0 smokers

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