The Downward Spiral

Monday, November 21, 2005

for guys only

w00t!! p0rn5tar's having his exams now, so i shall take this chance to blog a little. Cuz' nowdays there's no update on his life other than studying and eat and sleeping and jerking off. I shall now continue with my theories of life. Here's something I found from the theologist that trancends time, Sir Think-A-Lot:

identify the problem: you

She's not the problem, I am. The sooner you accept these words, the sooner you'll be on the road to flawless communication. I have repeatedly listened to couples talking or arguing, and it's clear that neither partner understands what the other is saying. She says ABC while you hear XYZ. So you respond to XYZ by saying QRS.

She gets confused because it has little or nothing to do with the point she started with, and upset because she's not getting her point across. So she'll try again, but with more anger in her voice. In turn, you'll start getting angry and the vicious cycle to no man's land begins.

It's up to you to be a better listener. Being a good listener won't just make a huge difference in your relationship, but in every single aspect of your life that involves interaction with others. In order to begin this process, we need to destroy the barriers we put up.

Not realizing that listening is important

No one ever told us that listening to women is an important part of "being a guy," so we tend to discount it.

Understanding is not the same as agreeing

You don't have to agree with your partner, just listen and try to understand. People are usually more receptive to working things out and comprising when they feel understood.

Not understanding the emotions expressed

Females are emotional creatures (in general); therefore it's extremely important for guys to recognize the different sets of emotions women speak with. For females, the feeling is usually more important than the content of a conversation (but they would never admit to that).

Criticism

If you need to be judgmental, be diplomatic about it. There is such a thing as positive, constructive criticism.

Don't try to fix things all the time

Males are under the misconception that they need to provide all the answers in a relationship. Not so. Make sure your partner is involved in many decision-making opportunities.

And what should you do when she's so mad that she wants to strangle you?

When people are angry, they usually want to be heard and understood. What they don't want is criticism in return, denial of their feelings, or attacks on their position or personality. So the first step is to avoid adding fuel to the fire (i.e., don't do what I just mentioned).Another thing you can do is ask questions. This is a great way to disarm anger. Another resource is empathy, showing that you understand what she's saying. Sincere apologies are yet another.

listening to complaints

The road gets a little bumpy when your partner has something critical to say about you. Who wants to hear complaints and bad news? Your answer is probably, No one. Perfectly understandable; I feel the same way. But I have also learned that it's smart to listen to bad news.

Whenever you're confronted with this situation, just tell yourself, complaints and criticism are gifts. Instead of taking her love elsewhere, your partner is sticking with you and alerting you of a potential problem, and handing you an opportunity to rectify it.

There's one other thing about complaints and criticism you should be aware of, and this is extremely important to understand because it can take the sting out of most negative comments. Complaints are based on compliments. If your partner complains that you're not spending enough time with her, the hidden compliment is that she wants to spend more time with you.

Therefore, start changing your outlook on your relationship with your partner and with others around you, and begin listening more intently. I guarantee that the time you spend with those you work with, play with, eat with, and sleep with, will only become more pleasurable.

For every prick out there.

by p0rn5tar
11/21/2005 03:00:00 PM
0 smokers

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